Intensity Three and Four
Every Congregation Needs a Little Conflict (TCP Leadership Series)
Beginning
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third intensity of conflict, in which the conflict between people becomes competition within or between groups in the congregation.
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The streams of issues that once were easy to identify are now impossible to distinguish. Issues of various kinds flow toward the valley, forming conflict concerns and causes in the life of the congregation.
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For the first time people want to win. They realize that winning means other persons have to lose. They are not necessarily happy that their fellow congregational participants have to lose. But, they realize that for them to win, someone has to lose.
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Competition within a group, or between groups, in the congregation is often at the core of intensity three conflict situations.
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a pattern of escalation begins. What are tendencies at intensity three conflict situations are urgencies at intensity four, and mandates at intensity five.
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One behavior is the tendency to divide everything-every issue, every person, every relationship, and every cause-into polarities.
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Those pastors and staff who have avoided taking sides at intensities one and two are kindly asked at intensity three to reveal their preference. They are urged to do so at intensity four, and they are rejected at intensity five if they have not chosen the right side. This is why it is so difficult for pastors and staff ministers to lead and manage conflict when it goes beyond intensity three.
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Examples of the types of concerns or causes that might be an occasion for intensity three conflict situations include, but are not limited to the following: 1. Starting a new worship service with a new style not favored by everyone. 2. Changing the criteria for who can serve as a deacon, elder, or board member in the congregation. 3. The calling of a new pastor or staff minister to the church, or actively accepting from the bishop the appointment of a new pastor or elder. 4. Discussing what new building to construct to deal with space issues, or how to carry out major renovation of existing buildings. 5. Dealing with difficulties in a major program of the congregation, such as the children or youth ministry. 6. Making major changes in staff employment policies. 7. Choosing the financial priorities for a capital stewardship campaign.
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8. Engaging in a strategic planning process and seeking to determine the top priorities for the next three-to-five years. 9. Making changes in the financial support of the denominational programs. 10. Changing the schedule of Sunday morning activities, which will require people to choose a new worship service or a different Sunday school class or small group. 11. Deciding whether the weekday sports and recreation program is a ministry of the church or simply activities using the building. If they are simply using the building, then the congregation wants to charge them rent and utilities. 12. Determining whether the weekday preschool ought to pay rent to the church or be treated as a ministry of the church and not pay rent, even though it has a larger reserve fund than the church.
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Congregational Illustrations of Intensity Three Staff and Worship Conflict in Good Shepherd Church Intensity three conflict occurs when the worship choir and the worship committee get involved in the discussion about worship content, style, and length. The
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the HVAC thermostats becomes known. This opens up a hostile dialogue between the groups that meet in that part of the building and the properties committee. Ultimately, the deeper truth is revealed: each classroom
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The finance committee indicated they did not care and were not going to allocate funds for the priorities.
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Addressing Intensity Three Conflict "Getting to Yes!" is the theme of intensity three conflict, as it was in intensities one and two.
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involved in the conflict, attempt collaborative problem-solving, solving, utilize ground rules and trust development techniques, and help each participant see how they have contributed to the conflict.
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Seek to identify consensus issues statements from within the various causes that have coalesced around the various issues.
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third-party assistance is needed with intensity three conflict situations.
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conflicts in congregations have left some unresolved issues.
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Trust Development Trust between participants who find themselves in an intensity three conflict situation has been damaged.
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Trust development requires a deep commitment to love and respect the other, to believe the truthfulness of the other, and a willingness to address the relationship based on principles rather than positions. Trust is not something you demand from another person. It is something to extend to another person.
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Often a third party needs to facilitate conversations between persons who have lost trust with one another.
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Personal Responses to Intensity Three Conflict Various people respond to intensity three conflict situations differently. Some people feel personally attacked at intensity three and may overreact.
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Pastors and other congregational staff ministers are particularly vulnerable to overreacting during intensity three conflict situations. They
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What Can Go Right at Intensity Three? 1. Meaningful engagement can occur within groups or teams, or between groups or teams. 2. Reasonable and true solutions resulting from proactive collaboration can often be achieved. 3. Everyone can learn how to deal with intensity three conflict situations. 4. A greater commitment to the values, vision, and goals of the congregation can result from innovative and successful engagement of intensity three conflict situations. 5. Once the causes put forth in the competition are identified and addressed, the opportunity is
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What Can Go Wrong at Intensity Three? 1. Groups or teams can fail to engage with their full heart, soul, mind, and strength. They can hold something back because they do not have the emotional maturity to handle intensity three conflict situations, or because they have decided they want to win and fully engaging may mean they will lose. 2. Without full, clear, and genuine trust, reasonable and true solutions may not occur. 3. Since groups or teams may fail to fully engage, the hoped for learnings from the experience may not occur, and the potential benefit for later intensity three conflicts may not exist. 4. The opportunity will be lost for deeper, more meaningful relationships that can result from people being involved in healthy, yet complicated, conflict
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situations. 5. The dialogue may not achieve resolution, and participants walk away realizing they are going to face these same groups or teams in a similar situation again. 6. Some participants engage in bad behavior during the dialogue around issues, relationships, and causes, creating an ongoing divide in the relationships and perhaps an escalation of the conflict. 7. The empowerment that could have been possible if collaboration or mediation had worked is lost for now, and perhaps forever.
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While both wins and losses were experienced, the best possible solutions were achieved based on the depth of willingness of the participants to collaborate and respond positively to mediation. The vast majority of the congregation never knew of this conflict.
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The purpose of this chapter is to dialogue about the fourth intensity of conflict, in which the causes of conflict now begin to become known throughout the active congregation. The focus will be on helping congregations engage the conflict rather than to deny it so that the conflict may be mediated during a time before the conflict becomes unhealthy.
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Overview of Intensity Four Conflict No congregation needs intensity four conflict situations. Intensity four conflict shifts from a competition within a group or between groups in a congregation to a congregation-wide wide competition with voting. Like intensity three, it is a win-lose situation. Each side not only wants to win, but feels an urgency to win. They devote significant time to organizing their effort to win.
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If 20 to 25 percent of the average number of active attending adults are aware of the various identifiable causes and some of the issues, and have taken a side in a conflict, then it is a congregation-wide, intensity four conflict situation.
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Intensity four conflict situations represent a transitional intensity between healthy conflict and unhealthy conflict.
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are seeking to secure the support of people outside the congregation. One or both sides will contact denominational representatives, or other persons with influence on the life of the congregation.
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Language is very general and often accusatory, and does not share helpful, clarifying information. People attack one another with their words, and urge others to join them in the attacks. Participants on opposite sides of the conflict are unable to talk to one another in a gracious manner, if at all. They avoid one another.
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People vote with their hands or ballots in board or congregational meetings. People vote with their wallet or pocketbooks by the giving or withholding of their tithes and offerings.
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for many of them the good of the congregation is more important than winning. Winning is definitely important. However, they will stop trying to win
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Examples of the types of causes that rise to an intensity four conflict situation include, but are not limited to the following: 1. Calling a new pastor, or having such a pastor appointed or placed in the congregation, who possesses a theology, style of ministry, or personality that will significantly change the direction of the congregation. 2. Discussions on making a major change in the affiliation of the congregation with its denomination over theological or moral issues, for which there is not unity in the congregation on the same issues. 3. Cost overruns on a major building project for which adequate funding is not available, and it appears some leaders have known about this for a while and did not share it with the congregation. 4. Worship wars around a new worship service and/or the elimination of an old service loved by a certain percentage of the congregation. 5. Major disagreements over the emerging philosophy and style of ministry advocated by a new pastor, staff, and new lay members of the congregation that will change the basic character and nature of the congregation. 6. The fear of longer-tenured members that they are losing control of the congregation to newer, younger
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Leadership vs. Management in Trinity Church
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The number of people who have taken sides on the conflict becomes greater than 20 to 25 percent of the active participants. Members of the finance committee have figuratively bowed their backs in opposition to attempts to make them affirm projects with which they do not agree.
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At the conclusion of the meeting four members of the finance committee announce they are leaving the congregation.
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Addressing Intensity Four Conflict "Getting Past No!" is the theme of intensity four conflict. The natural tendency is to have a vote that firmly and formally rejects and marginalizes one side in the conflict.
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move past a negative vote to see if there is a positive solution many people can embrace.
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The use of a third party from outside the congregation is needed to address this intensity, but often it is not sought soon enough.
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situation-want a solution, first attempt to achieve a collaborative solution. Seek to identify intensity one, two, and three conflict issues and causes that have become part of this intensity four conflict situation.
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then seek to have them assessed according to their own merit. The urgency will be to see the interconnectedness of everything and indicate each individual issue is so tied into the larger issue that they cannot stand on their own merit.
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At the same time collaborative solutions are being sought, the third party that is brought in should be prepared to shift to a negotiation stance in which wins and losses are identified.
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Methods to use at intensity four are the development of consensus issue statements, ground
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Help each side see how they have contributed to the current conflict, and how they can contribute to the desired solution.
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should identify the prime core values held throughout the congregation that unite them around a sense of overall mission.
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It is called perceived truthful information. Throughout intensities one and two conflict, it was always possible to discern and discover the factual truth. Beginning with intensity three that becomes improbable.
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Perceived truthful information is more powerful than truth. It is what people come to believe to be truth.
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What Can Go Right at Intensity Four? 1. Mediation can work. 2. The good of the congregation wins as the primary motive of the conflict participants, and they find a way to de-escalate the conflict. 3. Participants are able to distinguish between perceived truthful information and actual truth, thus providing a solid starting point for mediation. 4. Voting takes place only around process issues that help mediate the conflict situation. 5. A desire to live into the prime core values of the congregation causes participants to determine their
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What Can Go Wrong at Intensity Four? 1. Mediation can fail. 2. The emotional tension is so great that winning becomes everything and the conflict escalates to an intensity five. 3. Perceived truthful information becomes so powerful that it overwhelms any attempts to seek actual truth. 4. Votes take place that further divide the congregation into two opposing sides. 5. Participants argue over the rightness of prime core values to the point they become meaningless statements of idealistic desires. 6. The services of an outside third party are rejected. 7. A failure of leadership from clergy and laity is experienced, and the conflict escalates to intensity five, in which some
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The tensions of intensity four conflict situations begin to deter congregations from their primarily spiritual, missional, and fellowship roles. Strategic processes, growth emphases, and spiritual disciple-making processes all tend to stop, waiting to see what the outcomes and impacts of the conflict situation will be.
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Finding a Way Forward
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securing the services of a conflict management consultant.
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The pastor had both strengths and weaknesses.
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The outcome was that the pastor was able to remain another ten years until retirement.
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congregation refused to accept the reality of the perspective presented to the congregation by the consultant. They left the church, but not before making some accusations against various people
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Patterson,
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He was able, over an eighteen-month period, to force out two staff ministers in the hope that would save him.
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Therefore, the pastor needed to leave.
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It needed to find a way forward.
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healing and reconciliation followed by a spiritual strategic journey was recommended.
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new spiritual strategic direction. That
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